Stealth...

In the trans world, 'stealth' means not telling anyone that you're transgender.  So, after you've had enough done physically to possibly get away with it, you just live as a 'normal' woman and don't reveal your previous identity.


So in a conversation about period pains you'd say 'yeah, they're a bastard aren't they...' - that sort of thing.


It's not something I'd ever aspire to - if only because I don't think I'd ever be taken to be a GG (that's genetic girl, folks) by anyone over any length of time.  
I think at a glance I might get away with it even now - and with actual boobs and adams apple reduction hopefully more so - but I don't think I could ever be stealth ... which is fine as I'm an open and honest person.  Being trans is my story and my journey - I don't really want to deny it.  Although it's nice to have relationships in which it doesn't come up


This is all related to the area of 'passing' or 'blending' - basically just fitting in as a woman.  I have found that trying too hard with this just kills it - women don't go round 'trying' to be women.  Being too self-conscious draws more attention to you than anything.  


The key is being confident and feeling that you're in the right place doing the right thing - in every sense.  If you feel like 'oh god these people are going to laugh at me because I'm wearing heels' then they probably will.  Such feelings are common in the early days - as you get a bit more confident you start to feel 'of course I'm wearing high heels - so what - I'm a woman'... then eventually you progress to not thinking about it at all - and you've cracked it.  An awful lot of people won't give you funny looks then just because you don't stand out in the crowd.


All you need to think about then is 'christ these shoes are killing me - I should never have worn these for shopping' ... that's how you KNOW you're a normal woman!


I don't actually know how much I 'pass' - I suppose most people ignore me, maybe because I do have that sense of 'rightness' now.  I like to think that I appear female - I obviously do enough because I've never been particularly been challenged in a ladies loo or changing room.   Mind you, those places are easier to negotiate than you think - because people's 'rules' about them are so strong it actually doesn't really occur to them that a biological male might be in them.  Even if they do suspect - it's far too awkward for them to say anything.


Maybe (hopefully) I'm doing myself down and I do look like a woman.   I don't think anyone has ever said anything like 'wow jaye you really don't look anything like a man at all' - it would be the highest compliment if they did.


Part of relaxing about it is not to wear what you want - but without drawing undue attention, you apprentice trannies  (how patronising!).  If you feel good, you exude more confidence.  Theoretically I would 'blend' better not wearing heels (because I'm tall) - maybe also if I dressed more androgynously, seeing as that's how a lot of women do dress.  But I don't draw any less attention to myself that way - in fact I think the rule that 'women wear skirts' actually means that I get more funny looks when wearing trousers.  Or maybe I just feel different.  Actually I've almost stopped wearing trousers altogether - mostly it's leggings now if not a skirt / dress.


As you can tell - I analyse my 'performance' too much.  If fact this maybe shows I'm not quite 'there' yet - although don't we all worry about how we're doing out there to a certain extent?   Social life is a performance - according to Erving Goffman and his 'Role Playing Theory' - but I'm not going to get Sociological on your ass  (I have a degree in it, by the way - snuff, snuff).


I was going to bring the areas of voice / adams apple into this but it looks like that should be another blog - seeing as I've gone on.


So that's it.  I'll just say - if you DO feel the urge to tell me how fabulously female I look, please don't hold back...   MWAH!