Bullies...

I've always been bullied.  What do I want you to say?  Poor Jaye?  


Not for the bullying that happened to me when I was a kid - that just seems distant, almost as if it happened to someone else.  I'm not sure I expected anything else, so at least I wasn't disappointed. 


I remember it was decided that I would be the kid at school who would grow up to be gay.  Ha ha - close, bitches, but no cigar.


It wasn't physical bullying - just being generally unpopular and called names and stuff.  Skinny kid.  Bit of a weird haircut.  Religious (I am from a religious family).  You can imagine.


The skinny one makes me laugh now, as I'm STILL skinny and the people who made fun of me are probably fighting the middle aged flab!  


You could say 'poor jaye' for the bullying that happens to me now I suppose. 
I think I'd actually prefer that to what most people do say which is 'just ignore them, they're idiots.'



It's not that easy I'm afraid.  Who has the confidence to say 'ha - I am so intelligent and look at these idiots laughing at me' ?  Come on now - aren't you more likely to think - 'oh my god, what if they're right?'


I mean, girls, when you go out wearing something new or with a new haircut or a different makeup look you might imagine how awful it would be if someone laughed at you.  Well what if people really did laugh at you, all the time!  And did comedy vomiting acting when you walked past?


Ignoring them isn't going to cut it.


I think it's better to understand why they might be doing it.  Having thought about it, I think it's a group thing (obviously - no one laughs at me when they're on their own) and it's a way of gaining status in the group, by attacking a vulnerable outsider.


It's also a way of communicating to the group 'I'm not weird, I'm not different - not like that person.  Look how normal I am, look how well I fit in'.


Crucially, I think bullies of all sorts believe their victims are asking for it.  This mentality is subtly revealed when people say to me 'well you are going to get this jaye...'


What they're really saying is :  ' well if you will go around dressed like that people are going to laugh at you...'


Dressed like what?   As a female.  Which is what I ...er... am.


No doubt in fifties America they would have said to 'negroes' :  'well if you're going to go around being black people are going to pick on you.  People don't like blacks after all...'


Is that so different?   It's not acceptable.  My phrase for it is :


I may have to EXPECT it - but that doesn't mean I have to ACCEPT it.


I think maybe the best thing to say to me is, after all, poor jaye.  But then let me listen to your shitty problems and I'll say 'poor you' back. I think that's all we need.