The Voice...

One aspect of transition which I don't often get asked about - even though it's an important thing - is the whole voice issue.


People who've known me for years haven't particularly commented on my change of voice - maybe it's pretty subtle or maybe they just don't like to mention it.     Mind you, people don't mind asking me when I'm expecting to have my penis removed.  Or 'the' penis I should say - it's not mine as such.


Anyway - after I went through my big 'I can't stand living as a male any more' crisis my voice was just another thing I couldn't live with.  It pretty much altered itself, because I was unable to bear anything male looking or sounding I found myself speaking naturally softer.


That's not to say I don't think about it.  I do sometimes concentrate on keeping the deeper notes out of my voice - especially if I've got a few moments to compose myself before I talk to someone.  Sometimes it slips and a deep note slips out.  I also notice when I'm at home with just Becca and Freddie my voice slips and can get quite deep sometimes.  Basically just male-sounding.


I often clear my throat before I speak as it helps me eliminate the deeper notes, but people don't seem to notice.  All this goes out the window if I've got a cold though - then it's very difficult to control my voice.


Other times I amaze even myself with my ability to 'do' a girly voice - I can usually convince people on the phone and in person and my clinician at Charing X said voice alteration surgery wasn't indicated in my case - so he obviously thought I was getting away with it.


I mentioned the phone - that's the hardest bit.  The phone receiver tends to deepen your voice anyway - or at least remove the subtleties of it so I have to try quite hard with it.


Sometimes people say 'are you the gentleman I spoke to before?' or 'Oh sorry I thought you were a girl'.   It's a bit upsetting.


Also of course people just start to call me 'Mr Butler-Moore' even though I've already said my name is 'Mrs Butler-Moore'.  It's a tricky one because you can't decide whether it's worth correcting them or not.


I will at some point be having my adams apple done - it is possible to have voice alteration surgery at the same time, as I said, but it's a bit of a lottery I think.  Variable results.


Once your voice has broken surgery, or vocal therapy, are the only options - all the hormones in the world won't 'unbreak' it.  So this is something that I'll have to live with.


But in this, as with so many other things, I'm pretty lucky.  I reckon I don't sound too much like the gentleman in the picture above...