F*CKING ANGRY BLOG !!!

I'm not angry at the moment, but this week I have felt angry quite a lot so I thought I'd talk a bit about that particular emotion.


I've always had a bit of an anger problem, ever since I was a kid.  Obviously all kids get angry but I got angry in a 'maybe she needs to go and see a psychiatrist' kind of way.  Or rather, 'he needs to go and see a psychiatrist' because no one called me 'she' then.


I've always been one for laying on the floor and having a tantrum.  I wonder why.  It's loss of control isn't it - you lose control inwardly because you've lost control outwardly.  Maybe you're trying to get it back.  Yes - because when you flip your lid you are kind of in control of the situation.  You are the catalyst.


I get into trouble frequently at work because I've sent someone an email in anger or done something else silly like say openly that someone is a fucking prick.  It's not good - I spend a lot of time saying things like 'I can see what I did was wrong'.


I think I can probably be quite scary.  I've certainly seen fear awaken in the eyes of very large and threatening people when I've snarled at them like a rabid dog.  I've also developed a 'paddington stare' - whereby I glare at someone in the manner of that particular bear when he was pissed off.


I can make people visibly quake with that.


But you know what - maybe I just have a lot to get angry about, seeing as people routinely treat me like a joke.  Like yesterday a man drove past me in his car and burst out laughing when he saw me - and he wasn't even showing off because there was no one else in the car with him.


Hey - guess what - I get angry.


And at work, I never got angry before I started my gender transition - I never got into trouble by saying the wrong thing.  It happens now because some people are horrible and - hey guess what - I get ANGRY.


I think the answer is to channel it - do something good with it.  Bob Geldof felt pretty angry about the kids starving in Ethiopia - you see what I mean?  Now he probably feels angry because his daughter is more famous than him for no discernible reason...


Also yesterday I had to go the chemist in Hoo (where I live) which always involves walking past the horrible kids who hang around down there.  I had been listening to the Sex Pistols during the drive home and, you know what, I think when I got out the car I probably gave off the impression of being a person not to be fucked with.  


They didn't comment anyway.  Well, I think one of them tried the standard sarcastic wolf whistle but he didn't actually manage to do it - which is quite funny.  He just sort of made a pathetic slight whistling sound.


If anger can make me walk down the street with my head held high in defiance than maybe it can be a good thing.